Six years ago on May 11, 2005 I had surgery to remove the breast cancer. I decided to take the extreme route which was to totally remove both breast. All I knew is that I did not want to see it again. Get it out of me.....NOW, is how I felt. They found out that the cancer did not spread to my lymph nodes which was really good news.
Shortly after that, in June 2005, I began my first of what was to be four chemotherapy treatments. Those were tough. The first one wasn't so bad and I remember thinking, well if this is it then this won't be so bad. Oh I was in for a rude awakening!
Then after the 2nd treatment my hair began to fall out so I took matters into my own hands and went and had my head shaved. That was dramatic. We women love our hair and to loose it let alone choose to shave it off, well that was not easy. I can't tell you how many times prior to that, I had stood in the mirror on a bad hair morning and said these very same words..."Oh if I could only shave this stuff and start over!!!" Well I got my chance didn't I?
After the 3rd treatment is when I began to feel very bad. My white blood count went way down and I ran fevers and just ached from head to toe. The area where they placed my port became infected. I was feeling just awful. Along with feeling just lousy I also was really struggling to keep my emotional strength from falling apart. I remember one evening I went to take a shower. Before stepping into the shower I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. What I saw just about brought me to my knees. Staring back at me was this person with no hair on it's head. I mean no eyebrows and it's skin was pasty. There were two huge scares on it's chest where breast use to be. On each side of it's rib cage were two holes where the drains use to be. Yes I use the word, "it", because to this day it is hard for me to believe that that was me. I just stood there and cried. That was one of the only times I really let myself cry? The next day I changed my routine and took a shower in the morning, instead of at night when I wasn't so tired from dealing with all the stuff that I was dealing with. Just that changed helped out a lot.
It took all the strength I had in me to go to my last treatment. I dreaded it so bad...but when the treatment was complete the nurses had a little graduation party for me and off I went.
About a week after my last treatment I was placed in the hospital because I development a very bad infection from the port and had to have it removed. That was how I spent my 45th birthday.
I had several reconstruction surgeries. Completed them without much problems. My hair grew back slowly. I thought it took forever to grow back in. Now it's half way down my back. I decided to let it grow as long as I could even though some might think I'm too old for long hair. They just don't understand what it is like to have no hair and then how long it takes to grow back in. I've since have cut it but keep it long enough where I can pull it back if I want.
God has been good to me and has carried me through the illness and now here I sit. Six years later, I'm alive and healthy. I could not have gotten through it without His guidance and love. Also my husband and family were so supportive. And my friends were so good to me. I even had a friend fly all the way from Memphis, TN to come and visit with me while I was recovering. All the girls I worked with were kind and supportive. I no longer work there but I still am friends with most of the girls that worked there with me at that time.
I have no idea why this happened to me. I can only hope and pray that if someone reads this that in some way it helps them in two ways. First to remember that God will never leave you to deal with this alone. He is carrying you right now. Second, don't you ever give up hope and don't you ever stop fighting. It is my desire to help other women who are going through breast cancer find hope. And to drive home the desire to never ever give up. Don't stop fighting.
Now Birthdays are something I look forward to every year.
Shortly after that, in June 2005, I began my first of what was to be four chemotherapy treatments. Those were tough. The first one wasn't so bad and I remember thinking, well if this is it then this won't be so bad. Oh I was in for a rude awakening!
Then after the 2nd treatment my hair began to fall out so I took matters into my own hands and went and had my head shaved. That was dramatic. We women love our hair and to loose it let alone choose to shave it off, well that was not easy. I can't tell you how many times prior to that, I had stood in the mirror on a bad hair morning and said these very same words..."Oh if I could only shave this stuff and start over!!!" Well I got my chance didn't I?
After the 3rd treatment is when I began to feel very bad. My white blood count went way down and I ran fevers and just ached from head to toe. The area where they placed my port became infected. I was feeling just awful. Along with feeling just lousy I also was really struggling to keep my emotional strength from falling apart. I remember one evening I went to take a shower. Before stepping into the shower I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. What I saw just about brought me to my knees. Staring back at me was this person with no hair on it's head. I mean no eyebrows and it's skin was pasty. There were two huge scares on it's chest where breast use to be. On each side of it's rib cage were two holes where the drains use to be. Yes I use the word, "it", because to this day it is hard for me to believe that that was me. I just stood there and cried. That was one of the only times I really let myself cry? The next day I changed my routine and took a shower in the morning, instead of at night when I wasn't so tired from dealing with all the stuff that I was dealing with. Just that changed helped out a lot.
It took all the strength I had in me to go to my last treatment. I dreaded it so bad...but when the treatment was complete the nurses had a little graduation party for me and off I went.
About a week after my last treatment I was placed in the hospital because I development a very bad infection from the port and had to have it removed. That was how I spent my 45th birthday.
I had several reconstruction surgeries. Completed them without much problems. My hair grew back slowly. I thought it took forever to grow back in. Now it's half way down my back. I decided to let it grow as long as I could even though some might think I'm too old for long hair. They just don't understand what it is like to have no hair and then how long it takes to grow back in. I've since have cut it but keep it long enough where I can pull it back if I want.
God has been good to me and has carried me through the illness and now here I sit. Six years later, I'm alive and healthy. I could not have gotten through it without His guidance and love. Also my husband and family were so supportive. And my friends were so good to me. I even had a friend fly all the way from Memphis, TN to come and visit with me while I was recovering. All the girls I worked with were kind and supportive. I no longer work there but I still am friends with most of the girls that worked there with me at that time.
I have no idea why this happened to me. I can only hope and pray that if someone reads this that in some way it helps them in two ways. First to remember that God will never leave you to deal with this alone. He is carrying you right now. Second, don't you ever give up hope and don't you ever stop fighting. It is my desire to help other women who are going through breast cancer find hope. And to drive home the desire to never ever give up. Don't stop fighting.
Now Birthdays are something I look forward to every year.
